House of Mourning

It’s better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting…
…because that is the end of every man, and the living takes it to heartSorrow is better than laughter……for when a face is sad a heart may be happy.The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning, while the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure.It’s better to listen to the rebuke of a wise man than for one to listen to the song of fools.For as the crackling of thorn bushes under a pot, so is the laughter of the fool; and this too is futility. 
Ecclesiastes 7:2-6

In what universe is it better to be sad than happy?  How in the world is mourning better than partying and celebrating?  These are the claims made by Solomon above.  He goes on to assert that a wise person is at a funeral while the fool is living it up in Vegas – and finally that it’s better to be rebuked for your sin and/or folly than to hang out singing “praise songs” with spiritual morons. 

When I was in college I attended a funeral of an old friend.  His grandsons had been my best friends, and I knew him as “Paca,” an old carpenter who made me a toy chest and gave me my first bicycle and the father of my church’s preacher.  But attending his funeral made it clear that he had lived a giant life.  His children were missionaries and preachers and college professors.  They had made hundreds of disciples, who had in turn made thousands.  It was the most amazing funeral I’d ever seen.  The next day my Greek teacher (who had also been there) commented to the class and said: “Everyone should attend the funeral of a great man.”  He understood Solomon’s sentiments. 

Life has ups and downs; victories for some, and failures for all.  But whatever life we live, our end is all the same: we die, and when we do, we enter eternity.  If we are wise, we will live like people whose days are numbered. 

This dark world is suffering – and even here in the “wealth” of OC – people suffer horribly the consequences of sin and materialism and foolishness.  Is it wise to party with the rich while the world suffers so? 

Even if we have plenty … there are many who don’t have such basics.  If we are selfish, we can enjoy our luxuries and ignore the suffering of others.  But that’s not very wise, is it? 

Thomas Gray wrote:

To each his sufferings: all are men,

Condemned alike to groan;

The tender for another's pain,

The unfeeling for his own.

Yet ah! Why should they know their fate?

Since sorrow never comes too late,

And happiness too swiftly flies.

Thought would destroy their paradise.

No more; where ignorance is bliss,

'Tis folly to be wise

Those of us who can sympathize with another feel pain for them, and those of us who cannot share another’s sorrow or burdens - must carry our own.  And so … it’s better not to even know what’s happening in the world, because “ignorance is bliss.” 

Go back and read carefully the text at the top of the article.  The Preacher tells why it’s wiser to mourn … because it reveals reality: life sucks, then you die. 

 We have a choice

We can hide our own suffering, avoid it, hide in temporary escapes of drink, drugs, friendships, church, family, etc.  Or – we can overcome.  We can remain ignorant of the suffering of others, or we can shrug it off with a “let them eat cake” response and do nothing.  Or – we can be like most “Christians,” and merely pray for others.  Or – we can be like Jesus, and spend our lives serving others, teaching them, helping them … and do so with urgency, sincerity and effectiveness – the prayer offered with hands instead of mere lip-service.

Everyone will die, including you and your best friends.  Children grow up to die, and if they live to adulthood they’ll suffer some.  God’s servants have work to do: we have been commissioned by God to tend to people who are suffering and struggling. 

Most people travel “the broad path,” as Jesus called it (Matthew 7.13-14) immediately after he said the words we now know as the golden rule.  This wide road is full of silly, partying people living a shallow lifestyle, helpful to few, and they become increasingly weak themselves. 

The narrow path is lonelier and harder, so few take it.  It’s the path of rescuers, of people who live to help others, teach others, serve and love others.  Mother Theresa didn't wear the latest fashions or attend lots of big gala events.  Millions more live like her in the silence of anonymity.  They are like Jesus:

He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried; yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but Yahweh has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him.             Isaiah 53:3-6

None of us is perfect, none of us can save ourselves, we will all die, and we’ll all be resurrected – either to life or death.  But we have a choice about how we’ll respond to this reality.  We can ignore it, downplay it, or accept it as a challenge.  We’re all on a sinking ship – will you be the hero among survivors, or will you play with the band while it sinks beneath the waves? 

You can live for yourself, help no one … or only help those you like, or who happen to be in your family … and in the end you’ll die and your life will have been a waste – your laughter will not be remembered. 

Or you can live in service to God for others.  You will also die, but you will have gotten progressively stronger throughout your life.  The sadness you experience as you feel compassion for others will be over-matched by the contentment in your heart as you live selflessly.  And when you die, you will be remembered as the one who saved someone’s soul, who fed them when they were about to die or who consoled them in their time of grief. 

My hope is that you’ll take this to heart and live selflessly in the house of mourning like Jesus and Paca.  

Love Rules – Wise Confession

He who conceals a transgression seeks love,
But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.  - Proverbs 17:9

Does Solomon’s wisdom above conflict with that of John below?

If we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus (His Son) cleanses us from all sin.
If we say that we have no sin……we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
If we say that we have not sinned……we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.
My little children, I’m writing these things to you so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous1 John 1:7-2:1

It seems like Solomon is telling us to conceal sins and John is telling us to confess them openly, and that seems to be a contradiction.  It is not. 

First, when John wrote his first letter, he was writing to (and about) particular groups.  Look back again and see in that section that he repeats a phrase three times: “If we say.”  Know why?  Because that’s what someone was saying. He’s talking about a particular religious group that was making claims, and he’s arguing against them.  This group was claiming that their bad deeds were not really sin.  They were claiming to be sinless! 

Of course, this has nothing to do with what Solomon’s wisdom is about. 

The question for us is … what’s the purpose of confession – of revealing sins? 

What is the goal? 

Confession has wonderful side-effects...

It’s cathartic

That means it clears our conscience, so that we are not burdened by guilt.  But that’s just a side-effect, it’s not the goal.  Remember that sin doesn't go away just because it’s confessed.  Sin is only cleansed by the blood of Christ, and it’s behind us when we fully repent. Sometimes we want to confess just because we feel so guilty, and confessing is relief.

Confession helps us repent because it helps us to have accountability. 

John writes above, “so that you may not sin.”  In other words, his idea of confession includes prevention, which is before any further sin … not something done after the fact. 

So what’s the deal with concealing sins? 

Simply put, when we confess for the purpose of helping us repent (true walking in the light) – we do that to confess our own sin and help us. 

We can receive this help by confessing and repenting and receiving accountability with another disciple.  We also want to be careful not to make false claims, that we never sinned.  BUT – Solomon’s wisdom reminds us that sometimes revealing sins can harm others, and this is never, ever ok. 

If our sin involves another person, are we required to also ‘confess’ the other person’s sins?  Absolutely not!

Relationships are key: When two or more people sin together, each one is responsible to God for his/her own actions and participation.  Maybe even for leading the other(s) astray.  But when one of the sinners repents, must he confess to the whole church, in great detail, and include the names of all his conspirators?  If you participate in gossip, is it enough to confess that you have gossiped, or do you also need to give the names of everyone you heard it from, and everyone who told you? 

The decider in all matters where it’s hard to sort out is the Golden Rule  

“Do to others as you’d have them do to you” (Matthew 7.12).   If you and I participate in gossip, then should I tell everyone that WE did it?  Is that the Golden Rule?  NO, it’s up to you to confess and repent … it’s not my place to “out” you. 

Consider also the consequences of our confession.  When we confess to get help for ongoing issues, we let others hold us accountable, but the burden is ours alone.  When we dump old garbage on someone else’s doorstep, we force them to deal with burdens that we ought to bear alone.  Furthermore, we place in front of them the temptation to gossip, to be angry, and even to be unforgiving of a repentant person.  All this is unnecessary – if/when we confess with the right motives! (To avoid future sins) 

We are all wise to confess our sins and seek accountability for ongoing struggles.  But it’s not loving, wise, or helpful to God’s kingdom or our own salvation to ignore the wisdom of Solomon and “separate intimate friends,” just to soothe our own dirty conscience from sins in our past. 

Remember that God knows our hearts – and God alone.  That’s why He’s the Judge, and we are people struggling against the powers of evil to walk in His light.  So when you are deciding when/how to confess, and how much detail to give and how broad an audience to confess to … consider first the goal of confession, and the Golden Rule. 

“Love your neighbor as yourself” – even when you’re confessing.

love rules, and that is true wisdom

He who conceals a transgression seeks love,
But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends. 
Proverbs 17:9

Formore on sin, rebuking, confession and forgiveness, see the articles onforgiveness on the Godwor Blog.