He who conceals a transgression seeks love,
But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends. - Proverbs 17:9
Does
Solomon’s wisdom above conflict with that of John below?
If we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus (His Son) cleanses us from all sin.
If we say that we have no sin……we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
If we say that we have not sinned……we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.
My little children, I’m writing these things to you so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous1 John 1:7-2:1
It
seems like Solomon is telling us to conceal sins and John is telling us to
confess them openly, and that seems to be a contradiction. It is not.
First,
when John wrote his first letter, he was writing to (and about) particular
groups. Look back again and see in that
section that he repeats a phrase three times: “If we say.” Know why?
Because that’s what someone was saying. He’s talking about a particular
religious group that was making claims, and he’s arguing against them. This group was claiming that their bad deeds
were not really sin. They were claiming
to be sinless!
Of
course, this has nothing to do with what Solomon’s wisdom is about.
The
question for us is … what’s the purpose of confession – of revealing sins?
What
is the goal?
Confession
has wonderful side-effects...
It’s
cathartic
That
means it clears our conscience, so that we are not burdened by guilt. But that’s just a side-effect, it’s not the
goal. Remember that sin doesn't go away
just because it’s confessed. Sin is only
cleansed by the blood of Christ, and it’s behind us when we fully repent. Sometimes
we want to confess just because we feel so guilty, and confessing is relief.
Confession
helps us repent because it helps us
to have accountability.
John
writes above, “so that you may not
sin.” In other words, his idea of
confession includes prevention, which is before
any further sin … not something done after the fact.
So
what’s the deal with concealing sins?
Simply
put, when we confess for the purpose of
helping us repent (true walking in the light) – we do that to confess our
own sin and help us.
We
can receive this help by confessing and repenting and receiving accountability
with another disciple. We also want to
be careful not to make false claims, that we never sinned. BUT – Solomon’s wisdom reminds us that sometimes
revealing sins can harm others, and this is never, ever ok.
If
our sin involves another person, are we required to also ‘confess’ the other
person’s sins? Absolutely not!
Relationships
are key: When two or more people sin together, each one is responsible to God
for his/her own actions and participation.
Maybe even for leading the other(s) astray. But when one of the sinners repents, must he
confess to the whole church, in great detail, and include the names of all his
conspirators? If you participate in
gossip, is it enough to confess that you have gossiped, or do you also need to
give the names of everyone you heard it from, and everyone who told you?
The
decider in all matters where it’s hard to sort out is the Golden Rule
“Do to others as you’d
have them do to you” (Matthew 7.12). If you and I participate in gossip, then
should I tell everyone that WE did it?
Is that the Golden Rule? NO, it’s
up to you to confess and repent … it’s not my place to “out” you.
Consider
also the consequences of our confession.
When we confess to get help for ongoing issues, we let others hold us
accountable, but the burden is ours alone.
When we dump old garbage on someone else’s doorstep, we force them to
deal with burdens that we ought to bear alone.
Furthermore, we place in front of them the temptation to gossip, to be
angry, and even to be unforgiving of a repentant person. All this is unnecessary – if/when we confess
with the right motives! (To avoid future sins)
We
are all wise to confess our sins and seek accountability for ongoing
struggles. But it’s not loving, wise, or
helpful to God’s kingdom or our own salvation to ignore the wisdom of Solomon
and “separate intimate friends,” just to soothe our own dirty conscience from
sins in our past.
Remember
that God knows our hearts – and God alone.
That’s why He’s the Judge, and we are people struggling against the
powers of evil to walk in His light. So
when you are deciding when/how to confess, and how much detail to give and how
broad an audience to confess to … consider first the goal of confession, and
the Golden Rule.
“Love
your neighbor as yourself” – even when you’re confessing.
love
rules, and that is true wisdom
He who conceals a transgression seeks love,
But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.
Proverbs 17:9
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